


Free Will and Fury

by telekinetic_hedgehog



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Brainwashing, Broken Bones, Captivity, Emotional Manipulation, Free Will, Gen, Gift Fic, Id Fic, Medical Procedures, Mind Control, Mind Games, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Surgery, Torture, Trauma, Unethical Experimentation, Waterboarding, Whump, bastinado, surgery without consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-05-03 07:55:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 16,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14564475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telekinetic_hedgehog/pseuds/telekinetic_hedgehog
Summary: "You're going to join us. Willingly or not."Hux has devised a program to control the minds of Stormtroopers and Resistance members alike. If it can work on Poe Dameron, it can work on anyone. Unfortunately for Poe, he doesn't have much of a choice but to be a test subject. Will he hold onto his beliefs and stay loyal to the Resistance, or will Hux's twisted brainwashing work?Mind the tags; this is written with love but may get dark.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zoe_Dameron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe_Dameron/gifts).



“How would you like to join the First Order?”

Poe spat blood, narrowly missing Hux's polished boots. 

"No way. You see, unlike you, I actually have a functioning moral compass."

Hux tightened the restraints, barely holding back his disgust.

"And what use is a compass in the emptiness of space?"

Poe held back from rolling his eyes at the threat. He was a pilot for the underdogs here; dying in the vacuum of space was practically a given, not something to be used as an ultimatum.

“So... you're going to push me out the airlock?”

“Negative, Captain--"

“Commander, actually.”

“--you're going to join us. Willingly or not.”

Hux paused, whether for dramatic effect or because he wanted a response Poe wasn't sure.

“Well, don't just stand there, give me the villain monologue where you explain your plan.”

Hux curled his upper lip, sneering, “Wouldn't you like me to explain everything now.”

“I mean, yeah? I'm still a little confused here.”

That and every minute Hux was talking was a minute Poe wasn't being hit. The blood from his lip was starting to run down his chin, and his cheek was throbbing.

“Get used to waiting, Commander. It's part of military discipline, though I hear that's a foreign concept to your ragtag scoundrels in the Resistance.”

“Is that what you force on the children you kidnap and train as soldiers?”

“‘Kidnap’ is a harsh word.”

“It's a harsh thing to do,” Poe said. He spat out more blood.

“Joining the First Order is a tremendous honor, and our soldiers are loyal and grateful.”

“Yeah, funny how a lifetime of brainwashing will do that.”

“And you think your upbringing was devoid of your parents’ influence?”

 _Leave my parents out of this,_ Poe wanted to snarl. He tensed against the restraints but kept his mouth in check.

“They still gave me a choice. I joined the Resistance of my own free will.”

“Free will is an illusion.”

Poe sighed. “That's your evil plan? Bring me up here to debate philosophy? Real sinister. Y’know, I expected more from you. And you're wrong-- free will is essential for that moral compass thing I mentioned earlier. That you don't have.”  

“We're all made of matter. We're bound by the cause and effect of physical laws and chemical reactions. There's no room for uncaused actions; physics doesn't allow it. And when you know the chemistry of human action, you have the power to control it.”

Poe never claimed to be a philosopher, but he'd done okay in his studies back on Yavin 4.

“Choices aren't uncaused, because sentient agency is a type of cause. You can influence, you can persuade and coerce, but you can't _make_ sentient beings act any certain way.”

Hux looked smug. “How certain are you?”

Poe looked up from under furrowed eyebrows and met Hux’s eyes. “Pretty damn.”

“Enough to bet your freedom on it?”

“Doesn't look like I have that to bet with, at the moment.” He nodded towards the restraints and tugged at them for emphasis.

“I'll tell you what. We're testing a program to secure the loyalty of our soldiers and convert even the most stubborn dissenters to our cause. If it works on you, it'll work on anyone.”

Shit, that could be dangerous. But Poe had to smile at the compliment, in spite of himself. Apparently word of his stubbornness had gotten around.

“Gee, thanks.”

“If you can resist it for one galactic month, we'll let you go. If you can't, well. Welcome to the team.”

“Why would I trust you to let me go?”

Hux rolled his eyes. “As implied in the name, the First Order is about _order._ We're not a bunch of scoundrels.”

“You blew up a star system. Don't talk like you're some paragon of virtue. We both know you're going to do what you want to me whether you get my consent or not.”

Hux spoke flatly, with no emotion: “True, I don't need your permission to test the program on you. I also don't need your permission to bring an IT-O interrogator in here and watch while it squirts acid into your eyes and cuts you into little pieces. So do we have a bet, Commander?”

Poe swallowed hard. He'd held out against an IT-O after the botched mission on Jakku, and that was no experience he wanted to repeat.

“Yeah, all right. I know I can hold out. But don't think I actually trust you to keep your word.”

“Fortunately, that won't be an issue a month from now when we promote you to lieutenant of the First Order.” Hux smiled like a tusked panther. “Troopers, take Cadet Dameron to his new quarters.”


	2. Chapter 2

The quarters weren't actually that bad. They were nicer than Poe expected: real sheets on the bed, a toilet that flushed, a sink with soap that smelled of Yavinese orchids. He wondered whether the smell had been chosen just for him, to remind him of home. If he closed his eyes, he could see the orchids glowing there in the koyo grove and feel the warm, humid summer twilight on his parents’ ranch. He washed his face with the soap, rinsing away sweat and grime. Blood made a pink swirl in the water and vanished down the drain. 

He rubbed his face dry with a soft hand towel, avoiding the tender spots. Already he felt a little better. That was the trick, wasn't it? Convince him that life would be easier if he just did as they said? He looked up at the mirror and met his own eyes. 

“We're not falling for this,” he said aloud. “We're smarter than that.” 

The skin below his eyes was dark and wrinkled with exhaustion, and his cheek was already showing the bruise from where the troopers had roughed him up earlier. This would be a long month, especially if Hux and co decided these accommodations were nicer than Poe deserved. 

No, he couldn't think about that now. He'd come this far by taking one day at a time, and that's how he would survive this month. 

Next to the bed was a dresser. Curious, Poe opened the top drawer and found a row of black socks and a stack of neatly folded underwear. The second drawer held a few pairs of soft flannel pajama pants and a pile of red t-shirts. Everything was emblazoned with the First Order insignia, its cruel spikes standing out in black and crimson. 

Well, he wasn't wearing that symbol. A weapon with that symbol had destroyed the Hosnian system. Ships with that symbol had killed his comrades and friends. It stood for hatred, cruelty, and death. 

He folded up his deep brown jacket and casual trousers and peeled off his shirt and underclothes. He washed the clothes in the sink with the fragrant soap and hung them up on the towel rack to dry. 

After brushing his teeth and turning off the light, he climbed into bed. The sheets were smooth against his bare skin, even over the bruises from earlier. 

He missed BB-8. He missed his squadmates and friends in the Resistance. It occurred to him that he might never see them again, and his chest ached with longing. He rolled over in bed for a while before finally falling asleep. 

 

The next morning, he woke up to two white-armored troopers above him. He startled awake, scrambling to the other side of the bed before remembering where he was and why he was there. 

Kriff, had he really made a deal with Hux? Ugh, bad decision. Not like he had much choice, but yikes. 

“We're going to escort you to breakfast,” one of the troopers said. “Get dressed and let's go.” 

It was a command, and Poe wanted to rebel, but he also knew he'd have to be smart about picking his battles if he wanted to last a month here. Hux would never actually set him free, but Poe needed to prove to himself that he could last and to prove Hux wrong. 

“Okay, give me five minutes.” 

He climbed out of bed, rushed into the bathroom, and reached towards the towel rack. It was empty. 

“Where are my clothes?!?” he bellowed. 

The troopers’ masks were blank stares. 

“They were… no longer needed,” one offered. 

“I need them! They were mine!” 

“You have all the clothes you need in the dresser and the closet,” the other trooper replied, wary.

“I'm not wearing your ugly murder-sign, sleemo. You can give my clothes back or take me to breakfast how I am.” 

He was bluffing-- he hoped they wouldn't  actually drag him to wherever they were going naked, but it would still be better than being covered in  _ that _ symbol. 

“Not an option,” insisted the trooper. 

“Bite me.” 

After a pause: “Very well. Come as you are.” 

Poe moved towards them, wary. Had he actually won that fight? 

The troopers shoved him facedown on the bed, yanked his wrists behind him, and clicked heavy binders around them. They dragged him out the door of the cozy little room and down the hall to another room. Halfway down the hall he stopped struggling. So much for choosing his battles.

Now  _ this _ room looked like a cell: hard floors, eerie lights. In the center of the room was a transparisteel tank about half a meter in height and a First Order officer in armor and a red cape. 

“He refused to get dressed,” explained one of the troopers. 

“Very well,” the officer replied and nodded to the tank. 

The tank was nearly full of water, and a layer of ice cubes floated on top. The troopers shoved Poe towards it, and a kick to the back of his legs brought him to his knees. 

Someone grabbed a fistfull of Poe's hair and plunged him face first into the icy water. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

The water was _shockingly_ cold. It seemed to pierce through Poe's skull and freeze his nose and ears. Poe struggled, but the hand forcing his head down didn't relent. He held his breath, but soon his lungs were burning and heaving in protest. 

When he was yanked up by his hair, he gasped and sucked in air. Water dripped down his bare body and made him shiver. 

With no warning, they shoved his head underwater again. He thrashed around, wrestling with the cuffs on his wrists and scrambling for a leverage point with his feet against the floor. His head ached with the cold, and his whole body felt desperate for air. Panic rose in his stomach, and his head felt dizzy, but he still wasn't allowed to breathe. 

By the time he was dragged up, he was sure he'd be forced to pass out. Water streamed over him as he shook, sputtered, and panted. He couldn't breathe fast enough to satisfy his burning lungs.  

He was pushed forward again, and he took a big gulp of air, but-- 

“That's enough,” said a familiar, commanding voice. Poe blinked his eyes open, and Hux stood above him.

Hux wrapped a red towel around Poe. It felt soft, it smelled clean, and it was warm like it had just come out of the dryer. 

“Shh, you're all right.” Hux dried off some of the icy water and reached with a corner of the towel for Poe's head.  _ What a creep. _

“So, what, you're the good cop now?” Poe ducked away from his touch and tried to keep his voice steady despite shivering. “Am I supposed to feel grateful?” 

“I think you'll feel better after a hot shower,” Hux said in a condescending, saccharine tone. 

“Like I told your lackeys: bite me.” 

“Yesterday you said you'd go along with the experiment.” 

“I am. And I play to win.” 

Hux flashed his predator smile and shook his head with the amusement of a parent towards a child. 

“I suppose I can hardly fault you for that. Let's get you cleaned up and fed, shall we?” 

He kept drying Poe off, despite Poe's pulling away from him. Poe felt a small pinch on the back of his arm that he didn't think much of at the time, in between his futile attempts at struggling. He would never have admitted it, but it was a relief to feel the warm towel wipe away the freezing water. 

It didn't make sense to fight that, did it? Not when it felt good? 

Of course it does, when Hux is the one doing it, he reminded himself. But he felt sleepy. A little floaty, even. 

There was something wrong with the gravity field in the ship. It wasn't strong enough, and it felt like flying in sub-atmo and diving towards the surface, only it made his eyelids heavy. 

All the panic of drowning had melted away, and Poe felt safe. They weren't hurting him right now. Maybe they wouldn't hurt him again. He stopped fighting and let Hux rub the warm towel over him. 

It hit him what an odd situation he was in, naked and being dried off by his enemy. He had to laugh at it. His laugh came out sounding more like a giggle than anything, and that amused him, too, so he laughed again. 

“You look like you're feeling better,” Hux said. 

“Yeah,” said Poe. Nothing clever came to mind, so he added, “Shut up. You're evil.”

Hux ruffled Poe's damp hair and smiled. Later, Poe wouldn't be able to remember exactly what happened after that. 


	4. Chapter 4

When Poe woke up in the bedroom for the second time, he knew exactly where he was. What he didn't know was what had happened to him. He sat up and discovered that he was in  _ those _ clothes. Scrambling, he peeled off a tee with the First Order symbol on it. Somehow they'd gotten him into red and black flannel pajama pants, and underwear too. He shoved those off his hips and kicked them onto the floor in a crumpled heap. He wrapped up in the bedsheet to cover himself. Hugging his knees, squeezing his eyes shut, and biting his lip, he tried to collect his thoughts. 

Okay. So he was drugged. And Hux had mentioned a shower, hadn't he? Gross. When Poe was captured, he had expected to be tortured. It was no cakewalk, but he had survived it before. He hadn’t talked. He wasn't expecting to feel so incredibly violated. This was almost worse. What had happened to him during the gap in his memories? What had they made him do? 

He realized he was breathing fast and hard and tried to calm himself down.  _ It's okay, _ he tried to tell himself. 

“No, it's not okay!” he shouted out loud. 

He stormed up, picked up the shirt with the ugly hexagon emblazoned across the whole front, and yanked at the fabric. With a loud  _ rriiiiiiippppp _ , he tore the shirt across the middle of the insignia, wadded it up, and threw it at the wall. To hell with that murder sign and its repulsive angles. 

29 days. He was supposed to be here 29 more days. How was he going to survive this? He curled in on himself and tried to hold himself together. 

_ The galaxy, even in its darkest moments, is fundamentally a good place, _ his mother's voice said. He still had his friends in the Resistance, fighting for the Light. They would believe in him, and he believed in them. He believed that the Light would win, and that no matter what the First Order did to him, no matter how much they damaged him, they would lose. He had to hold onto that. 

The door slid open with a startling noise. Poe turned over just in time to see the barrel of the blaster that stunned him. 


	5. Chapter 5

The first time Poe had been stunned with a blaster, he'd thought getting shot for real might actually be less painful than the headache and muscle pain he'd woken up with. He’d made a morbid comment that alarmed BB-8, poor little droid. This time was no different. 

He woke up in another set of clothes from the dresser--  _ fuck those sleemos--  _ and in a set of medical restraints fastening him to the bed. He tugged at the thick leather cuffs, but he wasn't going anywhere. Better than the metal binders, he guessed, but with a headache like this, he wasn't in the mood to look on the bright side. 

There was a knock at the door. 

Really? They picked now to start pretending to respect his privacy? 

“Come in,” he called, knowing full well that it didn't matter what he said. 

The person who entered was a woman in a First Order intelligence officer’s uniform, or what would be one if it weren't for her miniskirt and exposed cleavage. 

“Good morning, Poe,” she said with a voice like syrup. 

Oh for kriff’s sake. He had a headache and zero patience for this. “Listen, if this is some kind of weird honeypot thing where you try to seduce me, just, don't. I'm not usually even into women.” 

“Oh thank the Force.” It was like she took off a mask, visibly relaxing. She pulled up a chair, sat facing him, and started to button up her uniform. “I told my CO that was a terrible idea.” 

“Not much thinking for yourself around here, is there?” he said dryly. 

She let it slide. “I'm Major Almon, First Order Intelligence, but you can call me Cay Li.” 

“Did you get a name because you're intel, or because you're a major?”

“I was named when I was born, and I kept it when I signed up.” 

Signed up. Not kidnapped, like Finn and the thousands of Stormtroopers. 

“Well I guess there's no point in introducing myself, since you know my name. Under different circumstances I'd say it's nice to meet you, but honestly I'd rather be anywhere but here.” 

“I don't blame you,” she said. “So I heard you don't want to wear clothes? Are there nudists in the Resistance?” 

Poe barked a humorless laugh. “I'm not excited about wearing a symbol that's the opposite of everything I believe in.” 

“It doesn't mean you believe in it.” She shook her head. “It's just cloth, isn't it?” 

“If it's just cloth, then why force me to wear it at all? I came here with perfectly good clothes, you know. I'm not stupid; I know what Hux is getting at.”

“You're wearing it right now, and it doesn't seem to have changed your mind. You still have a skull like a gamorrean.” 

Her smile made it seem more of a compliment than an insult.  

“Look at it this way-- if I asked you to take off your officer's uniform and wear something with the Resistance starbird, would you do it? Since it's just cloth, after all?” 

She looked thoughtful, and Poe couldn't tell if he was actually getting through to her or if it was just part of the game. 

“I wouldn’t want to,” she answered, measured, “but I could do it without panicking. I wouldn’t be afraid it would suddenly make me switch sides. My loyalties are deeper than that.” 

She had him there. 

“I dunno, I think you’re just saying that so you don’t waste your time stunning or torturing me every time I take off the clothes,” he challenged. “You’d never actually wear our symbol, even to prove you could.” 

“Now you’re daring me to do something you’re too scared to do yourself.” 

“It wasn’t a dare, Major, just calling your bluff.”

“It wasn’t a bluff.” She was defiant but not angry. “I’ll wear your symbol for the rest of the day if you wear ours.” 

“Let me guess: if I say no, it’s right back to the torture and drugs?”

“I don’t have any control over that.”

“So it is, then.” He sighed deeply. She was giving him an out, and he could go back to choosing his battles more carefully. “All right. Do you have a fabric marker?” 

“No, but I can get one.” She stood and left, leaving him wondering what kind of deal he was making. He always was good at talking to people, making allies, that sort of thing, but this would be a challenge. She seemed more reasonable than Hux, at least. And he’d rather spend his time with the good cop, as much as it was up to him. 

When Cay Li came back in the room, she was wearing uniform trousers and a plain white tee. She handed him a red fabric marker. 

“Go ahead.”

The Resistance starbird he drew was about the same size as the insignia on his own shirt: small enough to be tasteful but big enough to make its point. It wasn’t the easiest symbol to freehand, but he’d been doodling it on spare flimsis since he was in grade school, and he had a pilot’s good sense for proportions and a steady hand. Cay Li looked unhappy with it, and if Poe was being honest, he was pleased about that. 

“All right. We’re even. Now are you going to leave your clothes on if I take the cuffs off?” 

“We’re not even as long as I’m a prisoner here,” he objected. “But sure. I’m a person of my word.” 

She unbuckled the cuffs on his wrists but not his ankles, and he sat up, checking his wrists for marks and circulation damage. He was bruised, but that was probably from the metal binders earlier instead of the medical restraints. 

Part of him still wanted to take off the First Order clothes, but he kept his word and left them on. 


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you hungry?” asked Cay Li.

Poe ran a hand through his hair. He was, but he didn't want to admit it. “If I say yes, will whoever’s playing bad cop threaten to starve me?”

“Don’t be silly. We’re trying to make you one of us. We need you strong and healthy.” She held down a button on her commlink. “He’s good; bring in the food.”

“Is it drugged?” he asked, suspicious.

“Do you think I’d tell you if it were? It isn’t. You know we can drug you without slipping it in your food.”

Poe huffed. She was right, of course.

Before the orderly brought in the food, Cay Li put her uniform jacket back on. He didn't blame her; if she was caught wearing the Resistance symbol, she could be in big trouble. He wondered whether intel officers were sent to reconditioning like stormtroopers were.

The food was nothing special, but it wasn’t disgusting either. He got Cay Li to eat a few bites of it, too, just in case there was something wrong with it. She didn't hesitate, which reassured him.

“If you're ready, there's something I'd like to show you.”

“What's that?”

She smiled. “A surprise. It's in another part of the ship, though, so I'll need to put you in binders for the walk over there. Okay?”

He rolled his eyes. “Now you suddenly need my permission? That would have been really nice the past few days, y'know.”

“It's true, we don't need it. But I'm asking for it now.”

He weighed his options. She was their good cop, the one who was supposed to build a rapport with him, so it wouldn't make sense for them to have her do anything to endanger his trust, like take him to a torture session. He didn't trust her as far as he could throw a bantha-- she was still an enemy operative-- but he trusted his instincts on how this sort of thing probably worked.

“Okay, but I'm trusting you,” he held out his wrists and gave what he hoped was a charming smile. “Don't blow it.”

She fastened the binders around his wrists, less tight than before but still not loose enough to wriggle out of, and freed his ankles. With gentle hands, she helped him to his feet and led him towards the door.

“I'm going to have to get you some bacta for your wrists. Looks like you've been struggling, huh?”

“You'd struggle, too, if you were being drowned,” he pointed out.

She didn't answer. The hallway was quiet and had eerie lights that were set into the walls.

The way Cay Li was guiding him reminded him of his escape with Finn. Stars, Poe missed Finn. If only he had his friends here to help him escape.

“I heard you escaped in a TIE fighter,” said Cay Li. Poe startled, knowing full well she couldn't hear his thoughts but disturbed all the same.

She was still talking: “So I thought you might enjoy getting to fly one again. Not a real one, we can't risk that, but one of these.”

She opened a side door, and in the center of the room was a holographic simulator. Poe had used a similar contraption in his Republic navy training.

“We've got a bunch of stuff loaded on there-- TIEs, officer shuttles, Star Destroyers. Even a couple Hutt fighters, I think.”

Obviously there was some trap here, some kind of ulterior motive, but whatever it was, the offer was tempting. That TIE had been a blast to fly. Poe was getting excited just thinking about it.

“What's the catch?”

“What? We're convincing you to join us. It'd be nice if you could actually fly something of ours when you do.”

That sounded reasonable. He sat in the seat and looked over the controls.

“Okay, I'll play.”

“Super. I can't leave you unattended without restraints, but I can take the binders off.”

She knelt next to him and fastened a shackle around his ankle so that he was chained to the floor.

“Don't worry, you'll still be able to reach the pedals.”

Maybe he should feel resentful about being chained, but he wouldn't trust him, either. Like she said, he had escaped before.

_And I'll do it again, if I can._

She flipped a switch, and the machine whirred on. A hologram menu came up, asking what ship the user wanted to fly. Poe selected the simplest TIE, and with another whir, the controls rearranged themselves and aligned into the controls of a First Order TIE fighter. _Cool._ He placed his hands on the controls just like he had during his escape with Finn.

“Have fun,” said Cay Li, over her shoulder as she headed for the door.

“Thanks,” Poe said, too distracted to remember until after he said it that he really shouldn't be thanking his captors. _Kriff. Oh well._

He picked an obstacle course, and soon he was zipping through virtual space, whooping and shouting in excitement.


	7. Chapter 7

Poe steered the virtual TIE to the edge of the asteroid field, beating the level on his first try.

He sat back, feeling his blood pumping with the thrill of flying. Stars, TIEs were zippy little things, and the controls were more sensitive than he was used to, but he'd beaten virtual death. He felt invincible. 

The holo shifted, and a row of aurebesh scrolled across the display: 

_ First Order pilots are the best in the galaxy!  _

Poe rolled his eyes and picked a different course. This one was subatmo on a low-g planet, right through a range of rock formations. The machine whirred and started the level, and Poe took control. It was tricky, and a few times he almost crashed into the rocks. TIEs didn't have quite as powerful engines as the X-wings he was used to, but they were more maneuverable. He was getting the hang of it, and he made it through the level. 

_ The First Order: Stability. Bravery. Purpose. _

Sorry, was that supposed to convince him? Was that the big brainwashing plan, just some load screen text? Poe shook his head and chose a Star Destroyer to play with. Star Destroyers were mammoth, and maneuvering them was less about avoiding obstacles and more about picking a spot from which to shoot the laser cannons and about deploying the smaller ships at strategically relevant locations. He tried a level, but seeing a battle from this point of view felt wrong. The simulated X-wings weren't a good representation of Resistance strategies, but the ships looked too much like those of his friends, and seeing them explode made Poe feel sick. He retreated from the battle and went back to the obstacle courses. He did several more, beating a solid chunk of the early levels in a variety of gravities. At the end of every battle was a slogan or cliché in praise of the First Order. Some of them were so cheesy that he laughed. 

He was never going to give in, never. He was too stubborn for that, and they just didn't understand that about him. 

Hours flew by before Cay Li came back for him. He didn't hear the door slide open, he was so focused on navigating the course. When he finished the level, she came to his side. 

“Wow!” she said, looking over his shoulder at the menu of completed levels. “You've made quite a bit of progress on there.” 

“I'm a pretty good pilot,” he said, confident. 

“No kidding. You'll have to teach me how some day. Anyway, I brought you some bacta, and I came to take you back to your room. Can I see your hands, please?”

“Sure.” 

He held out his hands, and she put the binders on him. When he stood up to go,the shackle on his ankle held him back, and he almost went sprawling across the floor. 

“Kriff!”

“Oh here, let me get that for you.” 

Cay Li knelt and unlocked the shackle, and she powered down the holosim before they left the room. 

Poe let her lead him through the Star Destroyer, back the way they'd come. He was still riding the high from virtual flying, glowing with the joy of mastering something new. 

When they got back to his quarters, he sat on the bed, and she took the cuffs off. She set out a squeeze bottle of bacta and a few bandages, and she washed her hands in his bathroom sink. 

She was right; the skin around his wrists was discolored with bruises, and there were blisters and scrapes where the cuffs had rubbed it raw. Tenderly, she took one of his hands in hers and daubed bacta around the wounds. 

Part of Poe wanted to thank her. She didn't have to do that, after all. But they also didn't have to capture and torture him in the first place. Patching up the damage was the least they could do. It was hard to know what of her was real and what was façade. The façade was nice, though. 

She wrapped his wrists in bandages, and already the bacta was soothing his skin and healing it. At her command, a trooper brought in a cart containing a tray of food and a datapad. 

“I don't want you to get bored,” Cay Li explained, “so I brought you some books to read.” 

She held out the datapad, and Poe took it. 

“Thanks.” 

_ Kriffing dammit. _

She smiled. “You're welcome, Poe. Have a nice dinner, and I'll see you tomorrow.” 

He flashed a smile back. “See you tomorrow, Cay Li.” 

She waved as the door slid closed behind her. 

The food was wrapped in a starchy outer layer and was clearly meant to be eaten with his hands. They didn't trust him with silverware yet. On the other hand, it was hot and tasted good, and there didn't seem to be anything fishy with it. 

He decided against reading the books on the datapad. It was likely to be just more propaganda. He didn't need that. 

Poe set the empty tray down by the door, brushed his teeth, and climbed into bed with the light off.  

Thoughts of his friends and comrades welled up, making him feel lonely in the darkness. Part of him wanted to push those thoughts down and replay the TIE courses in his mind until he fell asleep, but he didn't want to forget the people he was fighting for. He would never--  _ could _ never-- give up on them. 


	8. Chapter 8

 “Good morning!” Cay Li’s voice was bright and cheery, and Poe felt just well rested enough not to be annoyed. Usually he was the early bird annoying his squadmates-- the last time, Jess had thrown a pillow at his head-- so he couldn't blame her. 

“G’morning,” he answered, rubbing over his eyelids. He felt a little groggy still, but something in him couldn't help feeling optimistic about the day ahead. 

“How'd you sleep?” she asked. 

“Not bad. You?” 

“Great, thanks for asking!”

She sorted through the dresser and tossed a pair of lounge pants onto the bed. 

“Let's go! I scored you a turn on the holosim before breakfast. You did such an impressive job yesterday.” 

This time he caught himself before he said “thanks.” She was flattering him. Something was up. 

The pants on the bed were like the rest of the clothes in the drawer: black and red, with the First Order insignia on them. So that's what it was. 

He clenched his jaw, resenting having to wear that symbol. He'd told himself he'd choose his battles more carefully, but that didn't mean he liked it. Grudgingly, he pulled on the pants and a shirt she handed him. 

She handcuffed him and led him to the holosim, just like she had the day before. This time, instead of leaving the room, she stayed and watched, cheering him on at the end of the level. It was every bit as exhilarating as yesterday. 

He only had time for a couple levels before she took him back to his room to shower and change before breakfast. In the shower,  he took his time, savoring the smell of the orchid soap and the feel of the hot water over his skin. When he finished toweling off, he hesitated before opening the dresser. 

_ Come on. Pick your battles. You've just gotta survive until you can escape.  _

Sighing, he opted for clothes with the smallest insignias as a compromise with himself. 

He had just finished getting dressed when there was a knock on the door. Cay Li came in, bringing a breakfast tray for the two of them. 

“I've got another surprise for you today,” she said as she poured juice into two cups. “I think you're gonna like this one just as much as you liked the one yesterday.” 

“Oh yeah? Wanna give me a clue?” 

“Nope,” she said with a teasing smile, and stuffed a piece of toast into her mouth. 

Poe ate, hungry and eager to see what was in store. He didn't trust Cay Li to have good intentions towards him at heart, but he trusted that she wasn't allowed to do anything openly harmful. He let her lock him in stun cuffs again, and she led him to a hangar that overlooked space, vast and star-filled. 

Were they sending him someplace else? Had they decided to space him after all?  _ Kriff.  _ This could be bad. 

“Hey, Breece!” Cay Li called to a portly man in grease-stained coveralls. 

“Hiya, Cay Li! Whatcha doin’ down here?” 

“This is Poe Dameron; he came from the Resistance, and now he's test driving the general's new recruitment program. I was hoping you'd show him around and help him see what we're about.” 

_ I'm still with the Resistance, you know, _ Poe bit back. 

“I'd love to!” Breece boomed. He tugged off a work glove and extended his hand for Poe to shake. “Nice to meet you, Poe.” 

Poe raised his hand despite the binders, and they exchanged a hearty handshake. “You too, Breece.” 

“I'll see you later, Poe,” said Cay Li. Have fun!” 

“I'll try,” Poe said cheerily, determined not to thank her again. 

“I hope y’don’t mind walking,” said Breece. “‘Cuz we've got some ground to cover.” 

The tour of the hangar was certainly awe-inspiring. Poe had been in a hangar like this when he was captured before, after Jakku when he escaped with Finn, but hearing Breece explain it was different. Poe had no doubt the tour was carefully scripted-- he couldn't get much intel out of it that the Resistance didn't already have, and the language was informal but emotionally moving-- but Breece was an engaging speaker. It reminded Poe of a college tour he'd been on before he'd decided to join the Republic Navy. 

It was propaganda. Poe knew that. Okay, so the First Order had a bunch of shiny tech and a ridiculous amount of ships. So what? The Resistance had grit, resourcefulness, and heart. 

“So that's the hangar,” finished up Breece. “You'll see more of it when you're promoted, of course. I'm going to get back to work fixing TIEs, and you're welcome to join me while you wait for Cay Li to come back.” 

“Okay, cool.” 

Breece started on a downed TIE with its engine compartment open, tightening bolts with a spanner. Poe recognized most of the engine components from the blueprints and their similarity to ships he was more familiar with. 

“What's wrong with this one?” he asked. 

“Not much, mostly leaky joints between air hoses. I've tightened the connections, now it's just time to test the air system.” 

Breece climbed into the pilot's seat and powered up the engine. 

Poe saw his chance: if he was going to escape, the time was now. With gritted teeth, he took a deep breath, called on the Force, and plunged the stun cuffs into the engine's alternator. 


	9. Chapter 9

The alternator sent sparks up from the stun cuffs, but thank the Force, they didn't shock him. The binders popped open as the electrical system reset, and Poe slammed the TIE’s engine compartment shut. 

He threw Breece out of the pilot's seat-- “sorry, man, nothing personal!”-- and sealed himself in the ship. 

He grabbed the controls, freed the TIE from the tethering cable he'd forgotten about when he was with Finn, and took off. 

The simulator was exciting, but it had nothing on the real thing. He zipped towards the wide hangar opening, scanning for signs of an energy shield that would keep him trapped. No barrier. Full speed ahead. 

When he burst out of the hangar into open space, he hollered with joy. If he could make it to a nearby system, he was free. 

An explosion rocked the tiny ship. The control panels lit up with danger warnings, and something started beeping loudly. 

“Kriff!” 

The TIE’s engine ground to a halt, and it quickly lost velocity. 

“No no no, come on!” 

The stars shifted as the TIE started to move backwards, caught in the Star Destroyer‘s tractor beam. 

_ Fuck. _ Poe flipped switches and adjusted the controls, trying to do anything that would get the engine working again, but he was trapped. 

The tractor beam set him down gently, surrounded by stormtroopers with blasters and riot batons. 

_ Better make this as easy as it's gonna be.  _ Poe put his hands up in a conciliatory gesture of surrender before unlocking the ship. 

It didn't matter. They nearly ripped off the door to get to him, and then armored hands were all over him, gripping and dragging him out. He tried to keep up with where they were pulling him, but it must not have been fast enough, because they jabbed him with the electric stun baton, making him double over in pain. He would have fallen to his knees if not for so many hands holding him. 

“Easy, I'm not fighting you, I--" 

A blow to his face cut him off. He stumbled, and they took the chance to cuff his wrists behind his back. Someone blindfolded him, and he was half marched, half dragged through a confusing maze with no idea where they were taking him. Eventually he was shoved to the floor, facedown. 

He decided not to move until he knew they wouldn’t hurt him for it. Someone grabbed his ankles and fastened them in some sort of brace with his soles towards the ceiling. There was a sharp whizzing sound and a thin stripe of pain across his feet. He almost yelled in shock but held it back. A second blow struck, right across his arches. Poe bit his lip and tried not to make a sound. It kriffing  _ hurt, _ and he couldn’t see, dammit, and-- 

He struggled, but the foot brace held fast. This was the sort of thing he was expecting when he was captured, so why was he panicking? He started counting the blows, trying to calm his racing mind. By ten, his feet felt like they were on fire. The blows kept coming.  By twenty, he was biting his lip so hard he could taste blood. At thirty he thought his feet might never feel normal again, and at forty he was breathing hard and trying not to whimper. At fifty he was almost grateful for the blindfold, because his eyes were watering. 

Hux’s voice: “That’s enough. I think he’s learned his lesson. Take him back to his quarters.” 

The blows stopped. The brace was unbuckled. 

Poe sighed in relief and exhaustion. He let the troopers scoop him off the floor and drag him to standing. His feet were in agony, but he’d be able to walk. Barely. 

More unsteady steps, armored hands, and being led in the dark, and soon he was brought through a door into a room with carpet. The troopers threw him onto something soft and uncuffed his wrists before leaving him. Poe heard the door slide shut after them. He pulled off the blindfold and found himself alone, on the bed of the room he’d woken up in. 

_Thank the Force._ He curled up on his side, with his knees under his chin, and wiped away tears. It was over now. He’d survived. 


	10. Chapter 10

Poe lay alone in the room for some time, feeling numb and trying to pull himself together. The soles of his feet had red and purple welts, but they weren’t bleeding, and the bony parts of his feet didn’t seem damaged. Whoever tortured him had been careful to avoid any long-term injury. Apparently, Poe reasoned, they were still keen on converting him to their side. 

There was a knock on the door.  _ Probably Cay Li. _ Poe sighed. He didn’t really want to talk to her, or anyone else for that matter. 

“Come in,” he called, half-hearted.

The door slid open, and Cay Li strode in and pulled up a chair next to the bed. 

“I’m disappointed in you, Poe.”

_ Oh for kriff’s sake.  _

“I’ve made sure you’ve had what you need,” she continued, “and I’ve tried to compromise with you and meet you halfway. And then you go and pull a dangerous, crazy stunt like that? And you hurt my friend Breece, too. He had to go to the medbay this morning. I can’t believe you.”

She did sound genuinely disappointed, but he knew it was manipulative bantha shit. They were still captor and captive, and he owed her nothing. He made up his mind to go along with it and tell her what she wanted to hear in order to get this conversation over quickly. 

“I’m sorry for hurting Breece.” That part was true, at least. “I know he didn’t do anything to me. And you’re right, it was dangerous and crazy to try to escape like that.” 

She sighed deeply. “Apology accepted. Please, please, don’t try that again.”

“I won’t,” he said, but he didn’t mean it. 

“Thanks, Poe. I brought you some more bacta. Can you lay down with the bottoms of your feet facing me?” 

“Yeah,” he said, and turned with his back to her side of the bed. He tried to feel something, anything besides mild irritation, but it was as if his emotions had checked out and taken a vacation to the Outer Rim. 

Cay Li’s hands were gentle, and the bacta soothed the sting in the bottoms of his feet. It felt so good he could almost have cried again, this time with relief. It occurred to him how much he missed being touched. Back at the base, he was always giving hugs and high fives, or putting a hand on someone's shoulder. Here, the only touches he'd had were violent and armored, except for one handshake from Breece and a few kind touches from Cay Li. He still didn't trust her. No way. Still, she was filling a craving he hadn't realized he had. 

“Is this much touching allowed?” he asked, then added, “I don't want to get you in trouble.” 

“Why wouldn't it be?” 

Because Finn had made it sound like all unnecessary physical contact was forbidden. Maybe the rules were different for Stormtroopers. 

“I'm not on anyone's good side at the moment,” he offered. 

She pulled her hands away. 

“I can stop if you're uncomfortable.” 

“No!” Well, that came out more desperate than he intended. “Uh, no, touching is fine. Touching is great.” 

“Okay,” she said, and he thought he heard a little smile in her voice. Her hands were soft and her touches light as she rubbed the bacta into the swelling. He wanted her to climb up next to him and hold his whole body, but he wasn't about to ask that of a First Order officer. 

This wasn't real, he reminded himself. It was just more good cop, bad cop. The gentle touches were just as coercive as the beating had been. But Force help him, he wanted it so badly. He scrambled to change the subject.

“You'll have to add this to your resumé when the war's over. ‘Gives great foot rubs.’” Poe joked. “I'm sure it wasn't part of the job description.” 

She chuckled. “Not remotely. And I definitely had smaller hands when I enlisted. What skills of yours haven't we discovered yet?” 

“I'm great at high fives. And I'm not a bad cook. Well, I can't bake for shit, but my dad taught me how to season and grill meat, and I'm pretty good at that.” 

“Well there we go. I'll be sure to upgrade your role to pilot and part time cook.” 

“Run away to the Resistance with me. I'll make you a welcome feast like you've never tasted.” 

She gave him a playful tap on the shoulder. “You and your propaganda.” 

“Oh,  _ I'm  _ the one with propaganda here? That was just an invitation.” 

“Yeah, well. I'll let you know if I'm in the mood to betray everything the First Order means to me.” 

“Please do.” 

“Oh, hush.” She capped the bacta tube and wiped her hands on Poe's arm. 

He turned to face her. 

“Leaving so soon?”

“Yeah, I'm assigned to the gym this afternoon. But I'll have them send a tray of dinner up early, since you missed lunch.” 

“Okay.” He tried not to look disappointed. “See you later, Cay Li.” 

“See you tomorrow, Poe.” 


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning, Poe's feet were still sore, and he still had welts where he'd been beaten, but walking was easier. When he washed up, his reflection had an ugly bruise across its face. He didn't feel rested at all. 

He dressed himself, not able to conjure up the energy to care what he wore. It was a stormtrooper who brought him breakfast, and another two who cuffed him and took him to a room with a holoprojector. They seated him in a chair and shackled his ankle to the floor, similar to the way Cay Li had in the simulator room. 

The holo was a recruitment video, and it was pretty corny. Poe spent the morning making sarcastic comebacks at it, and thankfully he didn't find it compelling at all. The troopers brought him lunch and unlocked him so he could visit the fresher, and then they locked him back up and put on another holovid. Poe fell asleep and didn't wake up until it was over and the troopers (same ones? different? It was impossible to tell) woke him up to march him back to his quarters. He was given a dinner tray and left alone for the rest of the evening. In the silence, he sang a song his parents used to sing, a long ballad that ended with the protagonist watching the sunset on his home planet and seeing its familiar moons. It made him think of Yavin 4, where he hadn't lived for years. He still felt numb, and that was probably a good thing, otherwise he'd be nostalgic and homesick. He fell asleep hugging a pillow. 

Cay Li came back the following day, cheerful in the morning like before. She had him wash up and eat breakfast before taking him to a holosim and shackling him down. 

This machine was different: he was logged in on the same account as before, but the machine could only be the controls of a TIE. Poe scrolled through the list. The obstacle courses were mostly finished, and it looked like only battle sims were left after that. Poe wasn't super keen on playing a battle, but the machine wouldn't let him replay obstacle courses once he'd beaten them. 

_ Darn. _ He took his time playing the last few obstacle courses, feeling the virtual TIE zip under his command. He was really mastering it by this point, anticipating its responses and controlling it by instinct instead of having to think about it. The cheesy propaganda lines were still there, though, and Poe laughed at them. 

When only the battle sims were left, Poe hesitated but selected the first one. The machine took longer loading and threw him into the middle of the battle with no buildup. Immediately he had to assess the situation and get out of the way of danger. It was counter-intuitive for him, defending TIEs and aiming for X-wings, but the challenge stretched his mind in a way that was fun. When he blew up his first enemy ship, his stomach clenched like he'd just lost a friend, and he almost wanted to quit the battle. But he told himself it was just a sim, and thinking like a TIE pilot for a while would make him a better commander when he went back to the Resistance. Understanding the enemy and all that. Besides, this was a welcome break from being beaten, and there was only so much of that he could take in a month. 

The battle went on for quite some time. It was intense, and a few times Poe didn't think he was going to make it, but somehow his hands took over and got him out of trouble. Finally, the Resistance retreated, their last few ships vanishing into hyperspace, and only TIEs and their Star Destroyer were left. Poe's virtual teammates cheered, and he sank back into his chair with a sigh of relief and ran a hand through his hair. 

_ Wow. _ That was exciting. Not as exciting as a real space battle with real friends, but definitely more fun. 


	12. Chapter 12

After the holosim battle with its cheesy loadscreen  _ (The First Order is uniting our galaxy!) _ Poe was marched back to his quarters and left there the rest of the afternoon. When he started to feel bored and lonely, he looked at the books on the datapad Cay Li had given him. Nothing looked interesting, but the First Order pilot's manual looked like the least boring thing, and that might have some information that could help the Resistance. He was deep into it when a pair of troopers brought him dinner, and he was almost done eating when Cay Li came in. 

“Hi, Poe. I've got some more bacta for you. Can I see your feet?” 

“Sure.” 

He shoved the last couple bites of food in his mouth, set the tray aside, and sat on the bed with his legs in front of him. She sat on the bed across from him and took his feet onto her lap. 

“Your feet are looking better today.” 

“Yeah, they were pretty bad last night.” 

“I hope it doesn't happen again.” 

She started spreading the gel on his soles. 

“It won't,” Poe said, “because I'm not escaping again.” 

He flashed her a smile, and she smiled back. Good. Let her think this was actually working. 

“Do you want to watch a vid or some sports or something with me and some friends from my squad? We're going to hang out in the common area, and, I dunno, I thought maybe being around people might be preferable to being alone on a weekend night.” She added wryly: “Even if those people are First Order scum. What do you say?” 

He was bored enough to say yes. 

“You're not scum, Cay Li. We don't call people scum. But sure, I'd be happy to meet your squadmates.” 

She put him in handcuffs-- manually locked cuffs this time, not electric binders-- and led him to her squad’s quarters. 

“Hey everybody!” Cay Li said as they entered, and they were met with a chorus of “hey"s, “what's up?”s, and “you made it!” 

Inside the room was a group of humans, mostly about Poe's age, sitting on a sofa around a low table that was covered in snack food. They were watching a holo projection of some kind of sport Poe didn't recognize. 

“Everybody, this is Poe Dameron, the guy I was telling you about. Poe, this is everybody,” said Cay Li. 

“Hey Poe, I'm Dev,” one of the guys said. “Would you like some chips?” 

_ It's drugged, _ was the first thing he thought.  _ Or poisoned, _ was the second. But Dev took a handful of chips out of a bag, stuffed a few in his mouth, and held out the bag towards Poe. 

“Uh, sure, thanks Dev.” Poe took the bag, awkwardly because of the cuffs, and took a few chips himself. They were crisp and salty. 

“Oh here, let me take those.” Cay Li unlocked the cuffs and snapped them onto her belt. Poe thought about making a run for it, but he was hopelessly outnumbered and his feet were still sore, probably too sore to get him very far fast. This wasn't the right time. 

“We’re all Panthers fans here, so we're catching up on this week's naidball game,” a young woman with red hair told him. “Here, have a seat, and I'll tell you how the game works.” 

The woman, whose name Poe later learned was Lisbeth, explained naidball as the game played. It was a close game, and Cay Li and her friends were really into it. As it went on, he got into it, too. When the Panthers scored against their opponents the Rathtars, Poe found himself cheering and high-fiving his new... friends? 

Were these his friends? They weren't Black Squadron, whom he missed dearly. He barely knew these people. And it felt weird to think that he might have  _ friends  _ in the First Order. Still, it felt nice to be chilling and watching a game with people, especially people who were this welcoming. It was hard to know whether this was for real or propaganda, an actual gathering of normal people or just something his enemies were doing to him to lower his defenses. 

Well, he was stuck here for a month, so he might as well enjoy it. He cheered and hollered for the Panthers, and he let himself get lost in the game and in being a friend to these strangers. If the goal was to humanize the First Order, he'd flip it around and humanize the Resistance for them. He could do that much. He asked questions about the rules of naidball, and during halftime, he told a story about trying to play sports as a kid on Yavin 4. He didn't know what was going on here, but he knew he was enjoying himself. 

At the end of the night, though, when the chips were out and the Panthers walked off the field in victory, Cay Li put him back in handcuffs before taking him back to his quarters. Right. They still didn't trust him, and he couldn't trust them, either.

“Thank you for the fun tonight. I had a great time meeting your friends,” he told her as she dropped him off. 

“I had a great time, too,” she said. “We should do this again.” 

“Yeah, for sure.” 

Before he knew it, he was alone again, getting ready to drift off to sleep. 


	13. Chapter 13

The next few days went by quickly.  Poe played on the simulator every morning, racking up high scores in battle mode. He could shoot down X-wings with none of his previous hesitation, and he even suggested strategies to his virtual comrades. He taught Cay Li how to pilot, guiding her through her first obstacle course, the two of them laughing and cheering all the way. 

In the afternoons or evenings, he was with Cay Li or her squad friends. One night they watched the holo, another they played cards, and one afternoon after his feet were healed, they went for a jog together on the running track. 

It was incredible, the way they treated him as if he was one of them already, as if he had always been one of them instead of an enemy combatant. Poe didn't entirely trust it, but he had to admit it felt good. He felt comfortable around them, and they seemed comfortable around him, too. 

He kept looking for an opportunity to escape, but Cay Li was clever. No chance presented itself, and despite the fact that they were now treating him well, he couldn't completely forget that he didn't want to be there. 

He was counting the days, not because he actually expected Hux to let him go, but so Poe could call him a liar when he didn't. It was a nice surprise to get to day sixteen and realize he was over halfway through the month. 

But of course, the good times couldn't last. 

One morning, Cay Li brought him to a meeting with General Hux and a few officers he didn’t recognize. She sat him in one of the chairs around the table they were sitting at and released him from the handcuffs. 

“You’re doing very well on the simulator, Cadet Dameron,” said an admiral. He paused, looking at Poe as though he expected a response. 

“I know,” Poe answered. These weren’t his commanding officers; there was no need to be polite. 

The admiral went on, unruffled. 

“So we’ve designed a new set of levels that might interest you. We have a prototype of a ship that incorporates an astromech. I understand you have experience piloting with droids.” 

“With  _ a  _ droid, yes.” BB-8 wasn’t just any droid. 

“You’ll find a simulation of the new ship next time you log into the holosim. You’re the first of our pilots to try it out. Consider this a thank you for your cooperation as of late.” 

_ Cool! _ Getting to try out experimental tech sounded awesome. And getting to fly with a droid again? Dream come true. Plus, maybe figuring out what made it tick would help the Resistance defeat them once he figured out how to get out of here. He tried to keep his expression neutral. 

“Thank you, admiral,” he said, less enthusiastically than he felt. 

“There’s a second item we’d like to speak with you about,” said Hux. “We’re going to have a security detail protecting you for the next few days.” 

_ Kriff. _ They just wanted to make it harder for him to escape, of course. Color him unimpressed. 

“‘Protecting,’ huh?” 

“Yes. Your former comrades pose a threat to your health and safety.” 

Hux tapped the control panel in front of him, and a holo sprang up from the center of the table. 

There, signed by General Organa herself, was a letter offering a bounty for the return of defector Poe Dameron, wanted dead or alive. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

Poe could hardly believe his eyes at the letter in front of them. 

“But-- there's no way-- General Organa would never--" 

“I know it might be hard to accept, Poe, but it's right there in front of you,” Cay Li said, sympathetic. 

“What the hell?” 

“Apparently we had a small security breach,” said another admiral. “A Resistance operative saw you in First Order apparel, directing TIEs in a simulated battle with some similarities to one that really happened, and made assumptions.” 

Some similarities? But how… 

Something clicked into place. 

“It's not a simulator, is it?” he said quietly, stunned at the realization. He glared at Cay Li. “You told me it was a simulator!” 

“That's all it is, Poe. Would I lie to you?” 

“For the First Order? Damn right you would, and you wouldn't think twice!” 

She looked offended, and Poe didn't care. 

He'd been killing his friends. Every destroyed X-wing was a real Resistance casualty, and every First Order victory meant that they were actually winning. And he had made it happen. Poe wanted to throw up. 

The admiral went on: “We’re going to protect you from any danger. We consider you one of us now, and I hope you'll work with us to--" 

“Banthashit!” Poe roared, standing and leaning over the table. “You're monsters, and you've been  _ using _ me!” 

“Cadet Dameron. Control yourself,” Hux said. 

“Like hell!” 

“The point is, Poe, you can't go back there. They don't want you anymore,” said Cay Li. “I know it hurts, but you have a home here with us.” 

His pulse was racing, and his blood was fiery. He wanted to crush the First Order into dust more than ever before, especially Hux. 

With a frenzied screech, Poe lunged at him, swinging. One of the admirals fired a stun blast, and Poe crumpled to the floor. 


	15. Chapter 15

Poe woke up, head aching and muscles sore, under a bright light. He was on his back, shirtless, with thick restraints around his wrists, ankles, chest, and forehead, and a table underneath him. Even when he closed his eyes, the light was there, painfully bright. 

“Good morning, Dameron.” It was Hux, his voice soft. 

“Fuck you.” 

Hux’s boots clicked on the floor, and the general came into view near Poe’s head. An eerie humming noise grew louder, and an IT-O interrogator floated to the edge of Poe’s vision. 

“This doesn’t have to hurt. But I have a feeling it will,” said Hux. 

It already hurt, and they hadn’t gotten started yet. This was going to downright suck. 

“Well, you’re the one standing over me with a torture droid, so that’s gonna be your decision.” 

“I’m not demanding you join us; that’ll come in time. All I want is an apology for your conduct earlier and your word that you will be respectful in the future.”

“If you want respect, be respectable,” Poe shot back. “Leadership 101. No, you’re not getting an apology.” 

Hux snapped on a pair of latex gloves. 

“Just do it, cadet. No need to put yourself through anything unpleasant. I could unstrap you now, and you could be back having fun with Cay Li’s squad, or playing on the simulator--” 

“I’d rather die than touch that thing ever again.”

“That could be arranged, you know. But I think I'll keep you around for a little while longer.” 

“How generous, resisting blatant murder.” 

The IT-O floated to just above Poe's left shoulder. Too close. It extended two thin arms and gripped his collarbone in icy, spindly pincers. 

“Say you're sorry, Dameron, or I'll make you sorry.” 

_ They _ were the ones who'd held him prisoner, who'd lied to him and betrayed him, who'd used him, and who’d made it impossible for him to ever see his friends again. There was no way  _ he _ owed  _ them  _ an apology for anything. Hell, he would attack Hux again if he wasn't strapped down. 

“Fat chance.” 

_ Crack! _ The IT-O shot out a third arm like a hammer, breaking the bone in two. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry I've been absent for over three months! I was living in a homeless shelter, trying to find a job, moving in with a friend, and trying to establish a better normal, so you could say I've been busy. :) Anyway, I decided to do NaNoWriMo this year and realized I should probably finish the thing I started before starting a new thing. So I've written the rough draft of the rest of this story and plan to *actually regularly update it* over the next week or so. Yay!

Poe screamed. The broken bone hurt like he couldn't believe. He struggled to regain his composure and his breath despite the agonizing injury. 

The droid retracted its hammer and claws. Hux placed a gloved hand on each piece of the broken bone, far too close for comfort to Poe's throat and face in a way that made him feel even more vulnerable. 

“This can stop right here, you know,” Hux said with mock kindness.

“Then stop it.” 

Suddenly there was excruciating pressure and a grinding sensation from the ends of bone rubbing together. Poe scrunched his face up and held back a whimper. He squirmed in the restraints, grabbing at nothing, as the pain went on and on. 

Finally Hux let up, and Poe took a few shaky gasps. 

Hux picked up a thick needle that looked like an enormous push pin from a table outside of where Poe could see and uncapped it. It glinted, sinister under the over-bright light. Hux aimed it over Poe's broken bone and paused a second before plunging it in past skin and muscle. There was a moment of pressure and grinding bone, and then it gave way as the needle pierced the outside of the bone and sunk into the soft marrow. 

Poe bit his lip against the pain. All of this made him feel fragile, easily damaged. 

Hux uncapped another needle. This one went on the other side of the break, slipping down into the soft tissue inside the bone just like the first one. 

Poe could be strong. He could take this. He wasn't going to give in. 

A third needle, next to the first, joined the first two, only when Hux pressed, it slipped off the outside of the bone and sank deep into Poe's flesh. 

Poe yelled again, and Hux must not have meant to do that, because he pulled the needle out and threw it in a sharps box. He chose a new needle and stabbed it in near Poe's throat. This one went into the bone as intended. 

Hux picked up a tuning fork from the table and struck it so it made a clear note. 

“Did you know you can use a tuning fork to detect whether a bone is broken?” he asked. “The vibrations travel through the bone, and a broken bone will cause pain as it moves. Would you like me to demonstrate?” 

“Not really.” 

“Then you know what will make this stop.” 

Hux struck the fork and placed the end against Poe's shoulder. As promised, the vibration hurt, sending a wave of pain down Poe's arm. He clenched his jaw and arched his back, trying not to make a sound. 

Hux played with the fork for some time, pressing the end to various points along the bone. Eventually Poe could no longer hold back his groans and cries, and he was covered in sweat but felt cold. 

Hux took his time playing with the tuning fork against the push pin ends of the needles, and Poe was breathing fast and shallow. His chest hurt. Why did his chest hurt? 

He tried to take a deep breath, but he couldn't; he could only take small, shallow breaths, and it was impossible to get enough air. He felt dizzy and lightheaded.

Something was wrong, very wrong. It wasn't just the pain. It was something worse. He felt like he was dying, but he knew Hux wouldn't stop. For a moment he wavered, considering saying anything to stop the deathly dread. 

_ Beep! Beep! Beep!  _ The interrogation droid sounded an alarm. 

“What's the matter?” said Hux. 

_ He's dying, _ said the droid in binary.  _ I'm summoning med droids now.  _

Poe closed his eyes. So it wasn't just in his head? What could possibly be-- 

“He can't be dying! Bring him back! We're not through here!” 

The droid spit out a fast string that included the binary for  _ blood _ and  _ chest, _ but Poe was already fading into unconsciousness. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to AllieMackenzie28 on the whump community Discord server for helping me figure out this scenario! Internal arterial bleeding and an emergency chest tube is definitely something I needed a medical expert to talk through with me.

There was a flurry of activity around him, but Poe could neither think fast enough to decipher what was going on nor see much of anything through half-closed eyes. 

His broken bone was a sharp pain. That was the one clear thing. He was on his back, on a hovering stretcher, and there was something on his face. An oxygen mask. Everything was blurry, and when he tried to breathe, that terrible pressure in his chest limited his breath. 

Warm, strong arms were around him, lifting him up and setting him down on a cold table under a bright light. Someone moved his left arm so that his hand was above his head. 

“I’m dying,” he tried to tell them, but it was hard to talk when he could barely breathe. 

Voices were talking, but nothing made sense. They draped over him a sheet that didn’t cover his broken bone or the side of his chest, and at least the fabric over his face made the light less bright. Something wet and cold was rubbed on his skin, over top of the bone, and a moment later, onto his side near his armpit. 

A razor-sharp blade sank into his skin, in the same place where Hux had stabbed him with the needles. Hux! How could Poe have forgotten? He was being tortured by the First Order. That’s why he was hurting so much. He clenched his jaw and resolved not to tell them anything. He wasn’t sure what they’d asked, but that didn’t matter. He wouldn’t say a word. 

A blade sliced deep into his side, into a space between his ribs. Something-- someone’s finger?-- jabbed into the wound, and blood gushed out, warm over Poe’s skin.

He was already dying. Why were they doing this to him? It hurt so much. 

“It hurts,” he tried to tell them.  _ “Please.”  _

They didn’t stop. Instead they stuck something else into the wound in his side and continued slicing into him near his collarbone. 

He was going to die. He thought of his dad, of Finn and his friends, and of his buddy BB-8, and wished them a silent goodbye.  He was going to fade into the Force, to join his mother and Muran and everyone he’d lost. 

Dying was slower than he expected. The pressure in his chest grew less painful, and every breath felt like just a bit less of a struggle than the last. He tried to focus on breathing-- on getting enough air from the mask, on breathing somewhat evenly-- and not on the mess of pain around his collarbone. 

This went on for some time, though he couldn't have told how long. He knew his grasp on consciousness wasn't great. Finally, they stitched up the wound over his collarbone and bandaged it, and a little later they pulled the tube out of his chest and bandaged his side, too, with something wide and sticky on the edges. Someone removed the sheet that was over him, wadding it up as they took it. He had to squeeze his eyes shut because of the bright lights. He was lifted out from under the lights, placed onto a hovering stretcher, and eventually lifted onto a bed, where they buckled restraints around his wrists and ankles before leaving. 

He could breathe. That was what mattered. 

His body figured out the crisis was over, his mind recovered some of its clarity, and a weighty exhaustion settled over him. 

_ If I ever make it back to the Resistance and clear my name,  _ he thought,  _ I am gonna need a shit ton of therapy. _

It had been a lot, hadn't it? The revelations that he'd been helping the First Order win and that the Resistance wanted him as a traitor, the torture, the feeling that he was about to die, the painful surgical procedures where he had been cut into without knowing what was going on and without his consent. No wonder he was tired. 

In spite of himself, he started to cry: tears sprang up sharply and blurred his vision, and his nose felt stuffy.

_ What now?  _ He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this alone in the galaxy, or this uncertain of what to do. He was helpless to stop the tears spilling out of his eyes and down his temples, but he tried to keep quiet lest he attract any attention. 

Someone came over to him anyway: Cay Li. Poe felt like he'd been caught naked. 

“Aww, Poe. Shh, it's okay.” 

She took his hand on his good side in her own, and she gently wiped away his tears. 

Part of him felt angry-- how dare she touch him when he was this vulnerable?-- but part of him desperately craved the comfort and personal connection, and the conflict inside him made him feel guilty and weak. Regardless, he would have been powerless to stop her even if he had been sure he wanted her to stop. 

He couldn’t deny he’d gotten close to her over the past few weeks. It was like they’d weaponized his own kindness against him. He couldn’t let her turn him against everything he stood for. But he couldn’t quite turn her away, either. Seeing people as people first, and not just what they could do for you, was what made the good guys different from the First Order. 

He didn’t know what to say. But that didn’t matter right now, because he couldn’t say anything with the oxygen contraption covering half his face. 

Cay Li started singing softly, as if to herself. Poe didn’t recognize the language of the words, and it was a tune he hadn’t heard before, but it was comforting. The First Order wasn’t big on music, as far as he could tell, and it prided itself on its superiority to other cultures. This wasn’t a First Order song. This was all Cay Li. 

To the gentle tune, the day’s exhaustion caught up with him, and he found himself closing his eyes. Before she’d made it to the third verse, he was deep in sleep. 


	18. Chapter 18

Poe woke up in his usual bedroom. He was heavily bandaged around his shoulder and side, and he felt groggy, like painkillers were just wearing off. Cay Li was sitting on the foot of the bed, legs crossed, scrolling on a datapad. 

“Hey,” he tried to say, but his throat was dry, and he ended up coughing. 

“Here, here you go,” Cay Li hopped down from the bed, sat him up, and helped him drink from a glass of water on the nightstand. 

“Thanks,” he said once he could speak. 

“You’re welcome,” she said. “Please tell me you don’t feel as bad as you look.” 

Poe should have felt bad. He had every reason to feel like absolute shit, given the past couple of days. 

“I feel… surprisingly okay?” 

“Well, that’s good.” 

“What happened to me?” 

“One of the needles pierced the artery near your collarbone. Basically, you were bleeding out into your own torso. You needed emergency surgery to fix the blood vessel and drain your chest.” 

“Damn.” 

“Yup. You gave us quite a scare.” 

“What was that song you were singing?” he asked, fully expecting her to clam up or pretend it never happened. 

“Oh, just something my mom used to sing to me. She and I used to be really close.”

“Used to be?” 

Cay Li frowned and looked away. 

“I haven’t seen her since I was seven. We lived in the outer rim, a dry little planet. Our village was raided by bandits, and they killed most of the adults and sold me to slavers.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She shrugged. 

“It worked out. The First Order rescued a whole bunch of us kids, gave us the chance to make something of ourselves, you know, be part of something bigger. I don’t know what would have become of me if they hadn’t.”

She looked up and smiled, a little sad, and added, “I like to think my parents would be proud of the woman I’ve become, though.” 

Poe paused a moment, trying to think of how to respond. 

“I’d like to think my mom would be proud of me, too. She died when I was eight. I mean, it’s not like what you went through, of course, I just…” 

He shrugged with his good shoulder and went on. 

“I like to think of my mom, flying with me in the Force, in a way. She was a good woman. One of the kindest people I’ve ever known. I’m sorry you went through what happened to you, Cay Li. You deserved better.” 

“Thanks, Poe.” 

She took his hand and gently squeezed it. They sat together for a few moments. 

“Let’s get out of here,” said Poe. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Let’s run away. The Resistance doesn’t want me anymore. You’re too good for an evil organization like the First Order. Let’s leave this war behind and make the galaxy a better place on our own terms.” 

“Oh, Poe.” She sighed deeply and gave his hand another squeeze. 

“Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve escaped from a star destroyer. You saw me on that stupid fake sim; you know I could pilot us out of this thing and never look back.” 

She shook her head, and he tried again. 

“What, you wanna be the one to fly the TIE? It’d get you off the sim and into the real world, that’s for sure.”

She laughed. 

“You really aren’t kidding, are you?”

“I’m serious as a funeral.” 

She bit her lip. 

“Listen, I care about you, more than I think I was supposed to. But we can’t just leave.”

"Of course we can. We can make the choice to try, anyway." 

She was about to protest when the door slid open, and an admiral entered, flanked by four stormtroopers. Cay Li stood up and saluted. 

“Major Almon, you are relieved. Report to your commanding officer for a debrief and your next assignment.” 

Cay Li quickly glanced between Poe and the admiral, uncertain. 

“Yes, sir,” she said, and hurried out of the room. 

The admiral nodded, and the troopers grabbed Poe, threw the bedcovers back, and dragged him to standing. 

Poe’s head swam as they pulled him up, and when a sharp pain came from his still-broken bone, he let out a yell before he could stop himself. 

“Follow me,” said the admiral, as though Poe had any choice in the matter. 

The troopers jostled him down the hallway, and Poe tried to keep up. It was definitely against medical advice for him to be up and walking, much less being shoved around like this. 

“We as First Order officials have informed the Supreme Leader of your little game with Hux, and we have been enlightened as to the, shall we say, unauthorized condition of your stay here,” said the admiral as they passed through the backlit hallways.

“You’re saying old Snoke didn’t give the okay for that bet we made?” 

The admiral frowned but nodded. 

“After the incident with the interrogation droid, it became clear that our general’s preoccupation with you is a distraction from his loyalties to our common objectives, and as a result, you are no longer welcome here.”

“I didn’t think you guys were ever actually going to let me go.” 

They rounded the corner, and there was an airlock. Poe’s stomach froze. 

“In a manner of speaking,” said the admiral. “We are.” 

  
  



	19. Chapter 19

“Fuck you,” said Poe, and he threw his good shoulder against the trooper holding his arm. 

It wasn’t that he thought he could actually break free, but he had to at least try. It didn’t take long for the four of them to overpower him, though. When the admiral opened the airlock chamber, they were ready to throw him in. He landed sprawled out, breathless, with his injury from the chest tube taking way too much of the impact. By the time he was finally able to scramble to his feet, the airlock was securely shut. He beat his fists against the seal, helpless.

_ No no no. This can’t be how it ends. _

The admiral reached for the switch and flipped it. 

There was an overpowering sucking sound and a pressure loss that made Poe’s ears explode with pain, and Poe was hurled from the chamber into empty space. His diaphragm spasmed as the vacuum around him pulled at the air in his lungs and his body tried to breathe. It was worse than being underwater. His lungs burned and ached for air. He shivered. Space was cold, not like cold air, but an emptiness that sucked the warmth right out of him. It was eerily quiet here. 

He closed his eyes and hoped joining the Force wouldn’t be too painful. 

  
  


The air tasted recycled. His body was curled up. There was something on his face, and he was cold. 

Poe felt the familiar pull of gravity every which way from a small spacecraft quickly maneuvering. 

He tried to sit up and realized that the thing on his face was a life support system, feeding him oxygen through a tube. He was curled up because he was in the back half of a TIE fighter, at the foot of its seat. His head ached, and his throat felt raw. 

“You awake back there?” said a familiar voice muffled by a life support system similar to his. “I could use a little help taking out the cannons if you’re up for some shooting.”

“Cay Li? What…?” 

The TIE zig-zagged, dodging bright green rounds. 

“Yeah, I took you up on that escape thing. Now get to the guns, unless you wanna be back in space.”

This was unreal, but he didn’t have time to think about it. Poe popped up, ignoring the ache and dizziness in his head, and took a seat. It was pretty simple, setting up the TIE’s guns, and while he wasn’t used to being out of the pilot’s seat, he knew how this worked. The star destroyer was getting smaller out his windshield, but they were still in its range. He took aim, fired, and just missed a set of cannons. He tried again, and this time they exploded in a spray of orange sparks. 

“Yes!” he shouted. 

“Good job!” 

“Good flying!” 

“Thanks, I learned from the best.” 

A few moments later, they were out of range of the rest of the star destroyer’s cannons. 

“Any idea where we’re headed?” Poe asked. 

“The closest planet, Doskal, is about 20 minutes away. We have enough fuel and air to make it that far, but not much farther. You can contact the Resistance from there and have them pick you up.”

“The Resistance wants me dead. I can’t go back there.” 

“No, they don’t. That whole meeting was full of lies. Organa never signed a bounty for you, and the simulator really was just a simulator. I’m sorry we lied to you.” 

Poe leaned back in the chair, his whole body lighter with relief. For the first time in days, it felt like he had a real future. 

“Why?”

“Hux thought it would be the push you needed to tip you over into joining the First Order.” 

“Makes sense, I guess.” As much as anything made sense lately. “What about you? You’re coming with me, right?” 

She shook her head. “I wish I could stay with you, but I can’t join the Resistance. You’re safe, and that’s what matters.You’re a good man, and I wasn’t going to stand by while they killed you.” 

“Thanks for that. But what are you going to do?” 

“I’ll figure something out. You said you wanted to leave the war behind and make a life for yourself on your own terms, right? Well, that’s what I’m going to do.” 

Poe tried to think of anything to say to that that would actually be convincing and came up short. Of course he wanted her to join the Resistance, but she deserved her freedom. 

They sat in silence for the next few minutes until the TIE landed in an empty field some distance from a city on the planet’s surface. 

“Well, I guess this is goodbye, then,” Poe said as he climbed down and breathed in the planet’s sweet, fresh air. “Thank you for saving my life.”

Cay Li smiled. 

“You’re welcome. Thanks for showing me the way out. I owe a lot to you.” She handed him a few credits. “Good luck out there.”

“Same to you. It was nice knowing you.” 

And then there was nothing to do but turn away and walk towards town. 


	20. Chapter 20

Still barefoot, Poe walked towards the city in silence, feeling stronger and more steady with each chestful of fresh air. He wandered around the city a while, grateful that all the writing was in basic, even if it was a dialect he hadn’t seen before. He realized he was still wearing a tee with the First Order emblem on it and hoped no one would give him trouble over it. Eventually he found a public comm unit and put one of the credit chips into the slot. He hesitated a moment-- what if they really did want him dead?-- and then dialed one of the Resistance’s minor outposts. 

“Hello?” said an unfamiliar voice on the other line. 

“Hi, this is Poe Dameron.” 

“Commander Dameron! We’ve been searching for you!”

Well, that could go either way. 

“You have?”

“Of course! Are you all right? No one’s heard anything from you since you were captured.”

Thank the Force. 

“Yeah, I managed to escape, but I’m a bit injured. I’m calling from Doskal. Is there any way someone could come pick me up?” 

“Absolutely. We can be there in…” The operator paused. “About six or seven hours.” 

“Sounds great.” He sighed and leaned against the comms unit. “Oh, and can you bring a scanner or a droid that has one? It was a First order officer who helped me escape, and while I think she was for real, I’m not entirely sure I’m not being tracked.” 

He wanted to believe she had meant to help him, but after being toyed with for weeks, he knew he didn’t have the clarity to make that call. 

“Certainly, commander. It’ll be good to have you home.”

“Thanks. It’ll be good to  _ be  _ home.” 

They decided on and confirmed the location of the rendezvous point, and then Poe hung up the comms. He had some time to kill, and he bought some kind of meat on a stick from a food truck vendor before finding a place out of the way to sit and eat. 

There was so much to think about, and Poe wasn’t ready for any of it. He tried to put it all out of his mind and just eat his lunch. Lunch? Dinner? It seemed like early afternoon here, but he’d had a long day. Hell, he’d had a long month. 

Fortunately, no one bothered him while he waited, and he made his rendezvous with no problems. An R2 unit scanned him for bugs and trackers and pronounced him clean. He gave the rest of the credit chips to a panhandler and put on a change of clothes from the shuttle just in case. It was good to wear something without that vile symbol on it. He felt a little more like himself. 

Poe slept nearly the entire way back to the Resistance’s main base, an almost 14 hour trip, except for waking up once to ask for painkillers for his still-broken collarbone. When he finally disembarked, he was groggy and in need of a shower. 

The Resistance base was just as he remembered it. It was as though nothing had changed. 

_ Home _ . He was finally back where he belonged, and it made him want to cry. His comrades greeted him with gentle hugs and enthusiastic cheers. 

Poe spent a few days in medbay, healing from what he’d been through. He was lucky not to have any frostbite or permanent brain damage from those few horrible minutes in space. The Resistance had a bone knitter, and the doctors and med droids were able to repair his collarbone. He had small scars from the chest tube and the surgery to repair his pierced artery, but everything seemed to be healing just fine. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Thanks for coming along on this journey with me. This was my first attempt at writing without an outline, and I learned that I prefer outlining to writing by the seat of my pants. :) Thank you for the kudos and comments, too!

Back from captivity, Poe threw himself into work. Part of him wished he could just not think about what had happened to him. After all, there was a lot of strategizing to do and military campaigns to lead, and while fortunately the idea that the First Order was decisively winning was just another lie from that horrible conference, the Resistance still had a long way to go. But he knew that ignoring it would only come back to bite him later. He started seeing a psytech and talking about his experiences. It was difficult, and even painful at times, but it was as necessary for his recovery as mending his broken bone. It turned out he needed physical therapy to help his shoulder near the injured collarbone, and his physical recovery wasn’t as perfect as he thought it would be when he first got back. 

Almost three months later, Poe was called in to the general’s office. 

“Poe,” General Organa said in a soft, hushed voice, “there’s someone here who says they know you. They’re claiming to have crucial intel on the First Order, but they only want to talk to you.” 

Poe certainly had an idea who that could be. 

“Is she a young woman, a little shorter than me?” 

The general nodded, and Poe let out a long sigh. He had invited Cay Li to join the Resistance, but seeing her face to face again would test his recovery. Still, it would be worth it if she really did mean to tell the Resistance what she knew. 

“Okay. I’ll talk to her.” 

They went down to the interrogation rooms, which, unlike the First Order’s rooms, were well-lit and free of torture. Cay Li sat at a table, dressed in layers of bland fabrics and handcuffed to the table. She had dyed her hair, and she was a little thinner, but it was definitely her. His rescuer. His torturer. 

She smiled when she saw him. “Hey, Poe.” 

“Hey.” He took a seat facing her, while the general stood in the doorway with her arms folded across her chest. “So you came after all.” 

“Yeah. I realized I did want to be part of something bigger than myself. And, uh.” She looked down. “I kinda missed you.” 

“Sounds like giving you a mission to bond with me really backfired for the First Order.” 

“No kidding. So… can I join the Resistance?” she asked. “I mean, if you don’t want me here, I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t trust me, either, hell--”

“Buddy, you wouldn’t be the first person I’ve taken a chance on, or the first person I’ve brought back after being captured. And you wouldn’t be the first person to betray me, either. Honestly, I’ve been unsure how much to trust you since that first week I met you. But you did save my life, and that counts for a lot. I’m fine taking a chance on you, as long as the rest of Resistance leadership gives the okay, and if your intel checks out with what we know, well. Welcome home.” 

“Thanks. I hope I can help.” 

“I hope so, too.” 

Poe stood and left with General Organa. 

“I thought you’d trust her,” she said after the door was firmly shut behind them. 

“Yeah, what can I say. It’s who I am.” 

“Well, you were certainly right about Suralinda, and you were right about Finn. I trust your judgment with this one.” 

Poe nodded. “With your permission, I think Finn would be a great person to talk with her about what she knows. She told me she was a major in the intelligence division, and that fits with how she treated me while I was a prisoner. It’d be great if some of our intel folks could use what she knows to our advantage.” 

“Permission granted. I’ll let Finn know you tapped him for the job.”

Cay Li remained under lock and key for the rest of that week, talking with Finn and a few other members of Resistance intel. The reports that Poe saw said that she was cooperative and charismatic. 

It didn’t take long for her information to be verified. Poe was glad that he wasn’t the one in charge of deciding whether to act on the intel she’d provided. Not only did her intel support what they already knew, it gave them insight that scored them a strategically important victory that changed the balance of the war and removed any doubts that the Resistance intelligence crew had about her loyalty. Poe was relieved. 

Once she was released, given her uniform, and made a full-fledged Resistance Intelligence member, Cay Li made fast friends with Suralinda, to Poe’s complete lack of surprise. 

 

One evening, as he was sitting outside working on his datapad while watching the sun set in a purple sky, Cay Li found him. 

“What a nice sky,” she said, sitting down next to him. 

Poe turned the display off his datapad and set it down. 

“Yeah. Reminds me of Yavin 4 a little. Where I grew up.” 

“I was talking with Finn,” she said, hesitating. “He said that after you two rescued each other, he still felt bad about what happened to you, even though it wasn’t his fault.” 

“He’s right, it wasn’t.” 

Cay Li paused a few moments and looked at the sky, as though she was trying to figure out what to say. 

“I’m sorry for manipulating you and lying to you,” she finally said. “And I’m sorry that I knew what they were doing to you and didn’t stop them. We were wrong, and I wish I could take away the harm we did.” 

“I forgive you.” Poe said. “You’re right, you guys really hurt me. And it really sucks.” 

“Yeah.” She frowned. “I know, and I feel terrible.” 

“Well, no offense, but you should feel at least a little bad. Just don’t get stuck there, okay? I’m dealing with it and moving on, and I hope you can, too. We both made it out, and I’m glad you’re here.” 

“Thanks. I’m glad I’m here, too.” She sighed. “I know it’s not possible, but I wish we could start over, get to know each other from scratch.”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “But like you said, that’s not possible. So where do we go from here?” 

“I want a friendship with you,” she said. “You mean a lot to me. And I want it to be based on honesty and real affection, not trickery this time.” 

“Yeah, I think we can manage that.” Poe smiled, and they both watched the last beams of the sun slipping below the horizon. “So, that stuff about your family. Was that part of the game, or was that for real?”

“That was real.” She looked down. “I really am an orphan.” 

“I’m sorry.” He put his arm around her. “Hey, what about when we first met and you tried to seduce me? Was that really your commanding officer’s idea?” 

She laughed, bright and clear like a full moon on a cloudless night. “Ugh, you had to ask about that, didn’t you? No, that was all me.” 

He grinned and shook his head. “Well, if I wasn’t sure you were being honest before, I am now.” 

There were footsteps behind them, and Poe turned to see Jess coming down the path. 

“Hey, losers! We’re starting movie night in fifteen minutes. Snap’s room this time. Are you in?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be there!” Cay Li called, and added to Poe, “It better not be one of those sappy old ones again.” 

“I’m coming, too! Do you need me to make some bangcorn tonight?” 

“Nah, Snap made enough for half the base to come have some. See you in fifteen!” 

Jess disappeared back down the path. 

“I’m so glad I’m not the only one who likes you around here,” Poe said. “That would be so awkward.” 

“Heh, yeah. You have such a nice group of friends.” 

“They’re pretty solid, yeah. Also? Let me just say, it’s nice to see you in a Resistance uniform. Suits you much better.” He smiled at her. 

“I could say the same to you. Y’know, you seem much more yourself here.” 

“I am,” he agreed. “And you’re much more yourself, too.” 

“I really am.” She beamed. 

“So, wanna go see what cheesy, old-timey holo Snap picked out this time?” Poe said, standing up and offering her a hand. 

She took his hand, stood, and dusted off her uniform. “Lead the way.” 

They walked together towards their friends as the stars came out. 

Poe knew it wasn’t over. Hux was still out there, and the Resistance wasn’t guaranteed to win. But Poe had wagered that people had free will, and that people had the potential to be good, and even though he’d never collected on that bet, Cay Li had proved him right. They had won his freedom back after all, and they had won hers, too. 


End file.
